Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
