Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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