I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
