I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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