You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
