"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
