Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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