I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
