NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
