YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
