i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just puked most of my soul out..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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