hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
