you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just leave with hair like that
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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