I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
