he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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