His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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