ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
