dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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