Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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