i barfeds in our rink
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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