So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
