Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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