I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
