I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
