We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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