Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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