I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
