Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
