That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
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They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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