I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
