Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
that's an acceptable place to lick
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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