brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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