Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
