i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Congratulations! We have a period
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
