so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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