she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
not ubering you a puppy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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