a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
