Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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