I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
