i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
