and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
