he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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