Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
