Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
