yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
