I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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