so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
