Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
