if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
