So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i will never coherently bang her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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