Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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