My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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