I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
