So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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