My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
