dude i'm inner monologue high
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
