i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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