just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize