We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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