He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
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I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.