lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?