i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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