he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult